The first blog of the year comes with a breath of bittersweet; my five year relationship with the art of the pose has come to a mutual end. my fade away from the model-world has begun. At the start of the year I decided my life needed more security, realising that although I earn a sustainable living from my four current jobs; writing, modelling, event planning and retail; it’s not enough to guarantee the future I plan for. I am a proactive person and when the wind in my sails move direction, I tend to act fast - sometimes too fast. I hate sudden change, yet time after time, the ‘curiosity tap’ is turned and most times I manage to make it work. So, I began to apply for new jobs and a fortnight ago I was invited to an interview. As further luck would have it, I discovered I had been chosen - the end of one era and the start of another, in a position I honestly think I’ll enjoy. Now in the same month that I celebrate 5 years of model-me, I hang up my studio heels for workwear flats. 

However, this isn’t goodbye in its entirety. I plan to continue shooting on the occasional weekend and take annual leave for the irresistible adventures I acquire. I am a creative person and the lust to express artistic passion still runs in my blood; I need life in my soul to keep living. But all in all, I will not be working as I have been, having observed a noticeable decline in the industry and my tolerance for the intolerance within it. From here on, I will only be working for the professionals I trust, the creatives I adore and the people I consider as friends. No more smiling through gritted teeth at derogatory comments, bitchiness and attention seeking galore. No more biting my glossed lip at vulgar forum threads or the over opinionated online abuse from keyboard kings. No more freezing my boney backside in cold slimey ponds, or spending a deplorable amount on clothes/props unable to be used again. No more social anxiety from awkward requests; the ones who want to ‘meet up’, but won’t book me.

No more texts to my personal phone months after that one time we shot. No more chasing unpaid promises; TF agreements and invoices ‘lost’, or calling for a cease and desist on blatant theft. No more ‘creatives’ proclaiming there’s only one way to light, or those who use presets on everything. No emails requesting foot fetish films, naked selfies or unquestionable porn. Patio Table FoldingNo more accepting misogyny in the workplace as the norm…no more tears from the worst part of it all - causing a rift with once friends by trying to exist in an industry that thinks they own you.  Walmart Shower Curtain WeightsNo, there are some things I will never ever miss. Wooden Toilet Paper Holder PlansBut for every dislike of the industry as a whole, there are a billion more positives tenfold.

Who gets to be the first and only model (to date) to shoot in the library of an Austrian Monastery and fed yoghurt at midnight by a monk? To go to work wearing the same dress as Helena Bonham Carter and the same coat as Tilda Swinton from Narnia? To pose on an Icelandic iceberg then a Fijian tropical beach…in front of the Eiffel Tower, amongst moss coated prehistoric lava and in an abandoned asylum secreting stories? On top of a Montreal cityscape rooftop in the warm morning sun of Canadian summer? On the slippery wing of a frozen plane wreckage, or on top of 2000 year old ancient [Hadrian’s] Wall? In a pumpkin patch, a floating rowing boat and an exquisite French chateau? In the same house as used by Tim Walker, the same building as used by Kate Moss, the same beach as featured in Atonement? Overground, underground, underwater, with fire…and even with an octopus on one’s face. Who gets to make work colleagues…their forever friends? So please read this with zilch pity for me - “she gave up and succumbed to that life”.

I know, I always said 9-5 wasn’t for me and I’ve been evolving for the last 5 years more than ever. But I cannot stress enough that I’m prepared for pastures new, reflecting on my short time with great thanks and ineffable gratitude to the most supportive network who saved me, who allowed me to grow bolder every day. This new road isn’t a fight I have lost, just a battle that changed its priority. I’m two months short of the big 3 0 and unexpectedly ready for steady; a pension scheme, maternity leave, sick pay, holiday…my desire to develop within a company has matured. I’ve had the party of my life as a self employed graduate, living life to the max in my gap year decade. Ten years of learning the real meaning of motivation and perseverance, doing good jobs and bad jobs, whilst gallivanting around the globe being paid. Now I’ve grown as much as I’m willing to alone and I want to transfer those learned skills to a set wage.**(Watch this space for CV guidance for models moving on, as well as my personal modelling ‘kit’ sale including a wedding dress)**Modelling was always a temporary fix and one I have adored like a best friend.

I’ve sucked every life force I can out of its shrivelling veins and I’ve tried to give back as much as I’ve taken. I’ve written self-help blogs that spread like a viral disease; sharing my self proclaimed wisdom (from my short term experience), for free. I’ve proven that a model without an agency isn’t weak or unhirable, becoming the face of numerous brands and publications worldwide. I’ve conquered personal fears of solo travel and insecurity; starting with the spiderweb tube maps of London, leading to flights around the globe for 40+ hours. And with a lecture given at the first ever [The] Photography Show NEC, I’ve shown that a model can be heard, as well as seen. From Paris to Montreal, Toronto to Reykjavik, Los Angeles to Temecula, Saalfeld to Admont, Nice to Marseille, Tempura to Helsinki, Belgium, Fiji and Melbourne (next month) - it’s been a whirlwind romance I won’t forget; a relationship that blossomed like the first season’s rose. I’ll always recall my first international adventure, clapping my eyes on the twinkling Eiffel Tower (with photographer and friend Andrew Appleton) for the first time.

Sat in the car, singing to “Proud Mary”, thinking “how did this average, agency unsigned girl from Preston, honestly get this lucky?” Brooke Shaden, Benjamin Von Wong, Miss Aniela, Joel Robison, Rosie Hardy, Alex Stoddard, Adrian Sommeling, Damien Lovegrove, Damian McGillicuddy, Brett Harkness, Lauri Laukkanen, Rebecca Bathory - there has barely been an online artist so admired I have missed. Even Trevor and Faye Yerbury, who predominantly shoot nudes, I had the pleasure of being photographed by last year. My only great regret left to date is from the 2014 snow that never fell - a shoot I was supposed to assist for the end of Wonderland; a soul nourishing series by Kirsty Mitchell. Making business contacts who became business friends; Three legged Thing, The Print Space, Black Magic Design Cinema Cameras, Stephen James Hair, The Flash Centre, DIY Photography, RAW Exchange, Train to Create, FaceOn Magazine, FStoppers, Creative Live, Think Tank, F Stop Lounge, In My Bag, Enlight Photo, SLR Lounge, PetaPixel, The Photography Show - huge companies who spent both their time and money to support my endeavours, I thank them for trusting my name.

To the development of Walters Wardrobe, that I’ll continue to pursue - providing photographers the chance to create something special. The only thing left now, is the book I want to write - and I’m absolutely sure that will happen because there is nothing I don’t work for that I want. It was always the plan to keep going until I’d had enough; to be here for a good time, not a long time. I love a full circle and that, it has most certainly has been - as the 20th February marked the 5 year anniversary from my very first shoot with long time support, Gary Hill. We’re now at the tip of that sphere with achievements I couldn’t be more proud of and every mistake truly learnt from. So I’m sat here now with swelling salty eyes, writing this as one droplet escapes down my cold cheek. It has been the most indescribable, incredible rollercoaster, half-a-decade Dreamcatcher…and one I won’t ever forget. I will never stop looking at the world with childlike curiosity, with eyes that continue to see magic beyond reality.